Un-Stimulated
Day to day, we typically stay in our Productive Mind (Executive Control Network). This brain network helps us solve problems. It moves fast, achieves goals, and stays stimulated.
The Processing Mind (Default Mode Network) is usually less tapped into throughout our busy days. This brain network helps us digest our experiences. It moves slow, builds substance, and meaningfully connects us with our values, identity, confidence, emotions, needs, and other people’s humanness.
Our brain needs to be un-stimulated (or sleeping) for our Processing Mind to kick in and naturally digest all that our brain’s been working on. This is very similar to how our body’s natural recovery process kicks in to physically repair our tiredness, soreness, sickness, or injuries...as long as we’re inactive (or sleeping).
Throughout one busy day, we may experience many subtle and some obvious emotional stresses, failures, reliefs, and wins. When we allow our mind to wander (in an unfocused flow), our Processing Mind digests and lowers the emotional volatility of these experiences. This can help us move from automatic reactivity (like, becoming angry when we’re overwhelmed, then criticizing those around us) to more thoughtful responses (like, realizing and claiming our overwhelm, then finding flexible options and support).
A drawback to keeping our Productive Mind online all the time is that productivity views things (including relational and emotional experiences) as a problem to be fixed or a threat to defend against. We can’t build a deeply engaged relationship from a state of constant execution.
So, if it’s important for us to connect with ourselves:
To accurately understand how we feel
To accurately share where we’re at
And, to give us the best chance of being seen and included
…and, to connect with the important people in our lives:
To include their experience in the relationship
To develop strong bonds
And, to feel less alone
…then, we need to deliberately shift from our Productive Mind to our Processing Mind when we feel distant from our own and others’ perspectives, emotions, and needs.
Neither network is better than the other. It’s more about toggling back and forth when one is more needed. Let’s practice right now.
Guided Check In
Let’s see where you’re at inside.
Close your eyes…or, let your gaze lose focus in some general area of the room.
Take some breaths to slow the brain’s pace down to the natural pace of your body.
Try breathing out longer than your breath in…like:
~ IN, 1, 2, 3 ~ ~ OUT, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ~
Try that 3 times here with me:
~ 3 breaths ~
As you settle, you may notice your mind still moving. That’s okay.
If enticing thoughts pull at you, let them know you’ll catch up with them later.
For the next 3 minutes, you have zero obligations. Nothing is pressing.
Give your thoughts permission to be completely unproductive.
If you jump from a memory, to an insight, to a worry…let it happen.
Your brain knows how to process all of this on its own.
Just wander. I’ll keep my eye on the time, and let you know when it’s been 3 minutes.
~ 3 minutes of silence ~
Take a few more breaths and we’ll steadily come back up to process.
Re-Wiring
If this was challenging, that’s completely normal. It takes practice to be unproductive with our exciting and daunting thoughts.
Let’s try it again. But, this time you’ll share your internal noticings out loud in real-time. This will give me the chance to help you bypass and care for your Productive Mind and negative thought patterns with compassionate directness.
When I’m helping you with this, the network in the brain that we’re training is called the Salience Network. This brain network helps us decipher when to appropriately toggle between the Executive Control Network (Productive Mind) and the Default Mode Network (Processing Mind).
Trauma memories, anxiety loops, and shame spirals act like glitches. They block the Salience Network from functioning properly, potentially leaving us trapped in a survival state or locked in exhausting rumination.
That’s where I step in to patch the glitches. I help your Salience Network learn new and flexible ways for your Productive Mind and Processing Mind to work together in achieving the life and relationships you actually want.
~ now, let’s go back to checking in ~
Here is a YouTube link to just the Guided Check in.
Kevin Carlstead, LMFT
Salience Network Resource - https://www.jneurosci.org/content/39/50/9878
Default Mode Network Resource - https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12025022/
Executive Control Network Resource - https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7267982/